January 15, 2010, 8:24 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
14/1/2010
bright day.^last night slept in time around 9:20pm, after prepared a blog entry enhenced by Holy message 3 times. woke up before 6am&got up before 7am, went to office at once. posted the blog entry first, then read within my greader. Its again a bright day. read after posted daily tweet. my girl zhou don’t appear in QRRS noon break. the department summoned to collect fund for charity, i submit 40rmb but don’t attend the meeting. the facing dog also mimic me, stayed in office to espionage me&shit around. when i again spit to the floor, the gay barked upon me. i retorted for the sake of my family, as God lets. soon the monitor returned&mopped the floor. also at noon fine tuned baby’s blog&wiki, ie. url remapping, sidebar, etc. China surveillance since then blocked my gtalk&google reader. the department director also visit the office&watched my operation on baby’s google blog custom domain redirection. returned to dorm, went to receive my girl zhou in front of QRRS HQ directly after dinner after 4pm. there r 3 men playing kites there. my girl didn’t appear all time. 2 girls look like her&i tried to follow, but i felt more likely my girl evading me this moment. returned dorm right 6pm, and when i launched logging today, the nearby senior middle school break for dinner. God promised me its an auspicious day. roamed out at 6:30pm, found several QRRSers returning to its HQ, so likely some departments, including my girl zhou’s, overclocked in this lunar year end for audit or other financial reason. bought myself food, partially in memory of my Guangdong girl Feng, and enjoyed in dorm. re-read my last post wrote in Holy message last night on my cell’s wap access, roamed out again when body response told me my girl missing me, reach QRRS front gate then returned to dorm, where when i picked to log, the nearby students finished their day work&flocking to their home. its all so bright! so vivid and living and meaningful! my girl zhou, pl relax urself if u tired, pl drink when u thirst. i will dream tonight in ur arms. the stars scatters in the moonless sky attending our breath together in sweet.i tasted ur sweats u scattered daytime, and smell ur body perfume in floral garden we own in mid night Heaven. i love u so, my dearest girl, Queen of China, of my Royal. seas pacified when u on dream land, mountains arrest wind wolfing like a shallow of dripping leave from moon under ur closed eyelids. bye, my dearest, bye from this lonely night we r separated temporary by God’s red wire. bye and sweet in ur heart, bye and fresh when dawn light wakes up. bye for now for the blessed, bye for God’s love among us. bye, i love u, my angel, my heart&soul.
December 25, 2009, 11:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
last night slept later in high mood. a bit restless on bed&fell into lately. this morning woke up after 9:30am. dreamed of my wedding ceremony, but i seemingly not happy like should be, also don't familiar with my wife&peek her privately. dreamed Chinese force squad, ie. army&police, practised (cyberspace) dealing hajack in a large office tower, likely CCTV, herds of police equipped with pistols or guns, but just wait&track the man kidnapped a someone, in the countless rooms&corridors&stairs. its likely also an electronic war, for in the dream i strongly dispised the vomitting defensive attitude on Internet China sinful authority nowadays adopted .
its a lucky morning. even the facing dog haunted office and dirt with smoke again, i got my photo upload quick. now the department went to dine together, i just see my girl zhou in QRRS rush time. nothing can be better. in days i will get my cellphone. my life surely steers into ever-brighter.
November 11, 2009, 2:10 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
these days mostly sunny days, with warm air and enlightening sun ray. this week i enjoyed my working space a lot: with twitter updates in view, and instant message of most accounts ready at fingertip. what’s most exciting, i got google voice for 3 family google accounts, in the cheat of American user. even now i don’t have a single friend outside of inland, i still felt quite contented with the powerful tool google offers. i in view the day China united with the freedom world in borderless clearly. i envision China can be a interesting and respectable partner of the fruitful Christian culture.
also we got quite some social sites interwoven. i finished the needed authentication to let post to my facebook, twitter via 3rd part tools, like seesmic or brizzly, both too nice to miss. i see its quite right to make full use of this kind of posting against spying eye from day to day harsh China surveillance. the world of cyberspace merging into coherence while China authority tries all its means to separate China from the world democracy, Chinese to global citizen.
this week we less gamed, for after experience so many breathtaking large games, baby son and me both loathed to try less interesting games, or small games. but a recent release, “De blob”, attracted him 2 nights. he gamed it alone. we also picked his favorite game, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meat Balls”, we made progress in once dead lock in another large game.
its a peaceful warm winter afternoon now. i didn’t saw the tall girl in QRRS for 2 days, in the rush time of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise. last time when i shown my salute from my office window, she abrupt cut way to the other side of the road just under my window with her female companion. i see its a signal of her loath of waiting and being watched. the coming 2 days i busy in office, missing the rush time people’s flow outside of the lane. i really don’t intend to do anything, i trust God to bring me my beloved. and by the way, now i want to attend my baby till he grows 8 years on the earth. on the other side, i would never miss a chance to live in the harmony with my girl, in warmth of new life.
its work time now. dogs around biting heavily as usual. the day before yesterday i decided to give up the inspire upon a cute girl in the community of 139.com, a affiliate of the monopoly of Chinamobile. i got holy message that the name is complicated for me, for my longing for sanity and dewy, longing of pure girl. i see ever brighter future of my love.
bye for now, all my beloved. i pray u r in right mood and feeling love of the blessed, love of peace. winter coming, chill gathering, but lasting is the saint and pure light heart.
these days mostly sunny days, with warm air and enlightening sun ray. this week i enjoyed my working space a lot: with twitter updates in view, and instant message of most accounts ready at fingertip. what’s most exciting, i got google voice for 3 family google accounts, in the cheat of American user. even now i don’t have a single friend outside of inland, i still felt quite contented with the powerful tool google offers. i in view the day China united with the freedom world in borderless clearly. i envision China can be a interesting and respectable partner of the fruitful Christian culture.
also we got quite some social sites interwoven. i finished the needed authentication to let post to my facebook, twitter via 3rd part tools, like seesmic or brizzly, both too nice to miss. i see its quite right to make full use of this kind of posting against spying eye from day to day harsh China surveillance. the world of cyberspace merging into coherence while China authority tries all its means to separate China from the world democracy, Chinese to global citizen.
this week we less gamed, for after experience so many breathtaking large games, baby son and me both loathed to try less interesting games, or small games. but a recent release, “De blob”, attracted him 2 nights. he gamed it alone. we also picked his favorite game, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meat Balls”, we made progress in once dead lock in another large game.
its a peaceful warm winter afternoon now. i didn’t saw the tall girl in QRRS for 2 days, in the rush time of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise. last time when i shown my salute from my office window, she abrupt cut way to the other side of the road just under my window with her female companion. i see its a signal of her loath of waiting and being watched. the coming 2 days i busy in office, missing the rush time people’s flow outside of the lane. i really don’t intend to do anything, i trust God to bring me my beloved. and by the way, now i want to attend my baby till he grows 8 years on the earth. on the other side, i would never miss a chance to live in the harmony with my girl, in warmth of new life.
its work time now. dogs around biting heavily as usual. the day before yesterday i decided to give up the inspire upon a cute girl in the community of 139.com, a affiliate of the monopoly of Chinamobile. i got holy message that the name is complicated for me, for my longing for sanity and dewy, longing of pure girl. i see ever brighter future of my love.
bye for now, all my beloved. i pray u r in right mood and feeling love of the blessed, love of peace. winter coming, chill gathering, but lasting is the saint and pure light heart.
November 11, 2009, 1:53 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
these days mostly sunny days, with warm air and enlightening sun ray. this week i enjoyed my working space a lot: with twitter updates in view, and instant message of most accounts ready at fingertip. what's most exciting, i got google voice for 3 family google accounts, in the cheat of American user. even now i don't have a single friend outside of inland, i still felt quite contented with the powerful tool google offers. i in view the day China united with the freedom world in borderless clearly. i envision China can be a interesting and respectable partner of the fruitful Christian culture.
also we got quite some social sites interwoven. i finished the needed authentication to let post to my facebook, twitter via 3rd part tools, like seesmic or brizzly, both too nice to miss. i see its quite right to make full use of this kind of posting against spying eye from day to day harsh China surveillance. the world of cyberspace merging into coherence while China authority tries all its means to separate China from the world democracy, Chinese to global citizen.
this week we less gamed, for after experience so many breathtaking large games, baby son and me both loathed to try less interesting games, or small games. but a recent release, "De blob", attracted him 2 nights. he gamed it alone. we also picked his favorite game, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meat Balls", we made progress in once dead lock in another large game.
its a peaceful warm winter afternoon now. i didn't saw the tall girl in QRRS for 2 days, in the rush time of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise. last time when i shown my salute from my office window, she abrupt cut way to the other side of the road just under my window with her female companion. i see its a signal of her loath of waiting and being watched. the coming 2 days i busy in office, missing the rush time people's flow outside of the lane. i really don't intend to do anything, i trust God to bring me my beloved. and by the way, now i want to attend my baby till he grows 8 years on the earth. on the other side, i would never miss a chance to live in the harmony with my girl, in warmth of new life.
its work time now. dogs around biting heavily as usual. the day before yesterday i decided to give up the inspire upon a cute girl in the community of 139.com, a affiliate of the monopoly of Chinamobile. i got holy message that the name is complicated for me, for my longing for sanity and dewy, longing of pure girl. i see ever brighter future of my love.
bye for now, all my beloved. i pray u r in right mood and feeling love of the blessed, love of peace. winter coming, chill gathering, but lasting is the saint and pure light heart.
October 15, 2009, 12:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
its now golden season here in northeastern China. bright sunshine in most days, and warm&crisp air conveys the golden bliss. i enjoyed pc games more and more with baby son, who rightly a savvy gamer, and insatiable entertainment sitter. every night when i lay down on bed alone him and his mother, i just feel too precious a day it was. i hold his bear and smooth foot, and amazed by God’s glory.
but now all things so bright. the China authority resolved to challenge the common sense. quite some lames supposed the tighten surveillance will loose after the special period of National Day march, but it was not the case in this year and this time. the loser broke the mind, doomed to farewell to its once appealing, doomed to separate China with the world, peaceful people with the docile. the Internet censorship turning more and more harsh and smooth most free mind and good wishes Chinese hold so far under the faked forged socialism.
these days my pc os was hacked, or my web traffic under arbitral filtering. my web traffic never overlap 90KB/s, since yesterday the grandma clean the house and i also at the moment refurnish my os with common software’s update. in last 2 days i tried lots of way to make clear what’s wrong with the lagging and sometimes unstable Internet traffic. but most of my works led lighter to the endeavor of hidden dark hand over my os and my account or audit or filter in my Internet ISP’s router or network hardware. net neutral, a purpose pushing in US, a far cry and forever utopia for Chinese in Socialism dome, just like its doctorate died decades among the bloody red starred geopolitics. but i know world aligns to change, including the dying China mainland, as God promised me, as the Empire in my title and host from hundred years ago from my glorious ancestor. China determined to change, since the history of the world. the dying sin let to supervise the scary land in these years, was ordered to leave now. a brighter sky encompassing the land emerging from the dim and dark.
OK, its sunny now outside of my office. i was the blessed to own the vast land, China. i was testified to claim here again, as the theft of state nowadays frequent deaf due to their greediness.
October 6, 2009, 11:06 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Sent from 哈尔滨市, Heilongjiang, China
the vacation of China National Day and lunar Mid-Autumn Day, almost passed. baby son, warren zhu, and me, benzrad, enjoyed larger and newer games which can drive my new acer AS 4736G to its full load, beyond wilderness. i also made good use of time when i was left with baby alone when his mom attending her school, to let baby son know more God and the mission of our Royal of China. i also condemned his mother and her family a lot. also a lot of time wasted attending games’ download, which very lagging. we just found the beauty of larger pc games, like "Frontline: fuel of war" and "call of duty: modern warfare", both larger than 4 GB, which cost me for 2 and more days to download from p2p. i tried "Frontline" with baby son, who also been attracted at once, but later baby son ditched me and follow his visiting uncle’s playing with it, for the uncle more a veteran on games. he was asked to come over to break my intimate time with baby by baby’s mother, who likely felt my talk and my critics with baby upon her when she absent.
these days in vacation really sometimes ignite my sex desire. i longing for my girls a lot. but i sure seeing God consoles me with our promised gathering with all my beloved in coming months. i saw God let me endure to lighten the coming elation of new life. i promise all my girls of my full heart, with full fruitful.
its a gloomy morning. i don’t fear the spying eyes from China surveillance. i saw budding like spring rains, weak but insistent. i saw blessing of God like warmest and brightest sunshine, killing and healing. i saw my promised love like rains rampant and torrential.
more than a week since my last post. this week seemingly main busy with larger sized games, like "front line: fuel of war", and warez's download. i addict to warez, ie. pirate software, like 0day's release, has been a long time. the warez help me a lot when i worked for my previous job, heading design for a enterprise's cable TV branch. after left the job, i tried to keep with the daily float of pirate warez, but finally got up, for too time costing, as well as source of release in China mainly constrained within forums, which i disliked gradually, in the process of my own identity grows, till today's my web presence. u can google "benzrad" or "benzillar", my most frequent namespace, and the result will show u my cyberspace activities. i had told others many times, here i can again assert, Chinese like intimacy, while western citizen more cherish independent open relation. in general, Chinese have more dark view upon social relation, esp. the society, and indeed they behave morally inferior. that's the reason of its culture's fall in recent history. their native born belief turns darker and poorer than God in Christian. they far less respectable than a civilian of the western.
in the beginning i felt anxious about my access to warez, but i felt the open cyberspace should be the larger reality. and now i see the day. now i quite enjoy web hosted warez, like rapidshare, upload, and lots among the net disk, including demostic. i really glad to see my works in these years rewarding, one reason based on its opening and independence, like my sites and domain. i really proud of them.
this week i more times felt the leaving off my old family, and pending status i beset now. i hope i can left my baby son, warren zhu, after he takes elemental school, and sleeps on his own bed. these years, namely, has been 4 years, his parents mainly holding him aside on bed in night, except in 2006 when i lingered in the dormitory of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise, just after i fired for divorce with my baby's mother. i all time praying for a new life, for i think from the start the family of my baby's mother is evils, and never fit for me, far less my Royal in God's glory. my baby's mother let me leave my baby several days after his birth, and the evils family, all left to be female, never enjoy sun light and kept in dark from me, including its financial situation which they likely close-mouthed most. in these years, i never gave up finding myself a new life, a new home for my baby to let him enjoy which house he likes to stay. i also felt i deserve a better routine life, esp. better food and enjoyable life style.
these days i sometimes felt gloomy, esp when its indeed cloudy. i reviewed sometimes my depressed love on beauty, on spiritual knowledge, i felt God wouldn't let me equipped with such a subtle eyes and mind of beauty while don't let me enjoy it and hold in constant reach. i believe God forges me and my beloved, just a case of time in search.
these days i noticed a tall neaty girl walked alone the road of QRRS, my once and long time employer, in its rush time. she likely a new employee of the company. i like her temperament. she likely has a long legs, and slim figure. my heart pumps more air and pray more deeper when i saw her each time, and i at once connect her with my missing girl zhou, the love ignite my web search and beginning of most of my cyberspace presence. i pray God now let me reunite with my beloved, and shift my life span toward a new landscape.
yes, that's it, i wouldn't leak more on it. only God know why i put my hope in it. i live for my pray, for my hope, for my bliss from God, my dad.
September 13, 2009, 7:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
baby just haunted outside with his grandma, while i busy with posting his recent paintings, as well as my recent photos.then his mother bathed him even there is a boy student receiving ema's tutorial here. i dislike ema don't pay attention to privacy but God shows me it doesn't matter.its a warm Autumn dusk, bright and dry sunshine through the window of our balcony cast a loveable and moving family peace in the house.
Ps: i also just got showered in public bathroom. a nice weekend.
these days baby played less games on pc, but watching more animation online, and tv show. he asked me to find more games takes the formula of quiz show. i tried but harvest less.
yesterday baby insisted i watching a piece of animation, in which a robot of a little boy offered him a robot lover, for he had problem to attract real world girl friend. i sensed evils around troubled my baby with abnormal love or passions. i myself also troubled by hard core gays in office.God, my dearest dad, once shown me when i was a collegian what a normal same sex friend looks like, and this time is time for me to show my baby what's genius friendship differs from twist emotion. i told baby what's my view on gay and lesbian, what's love of God, which is the most selfless love and never expels the most pour love between lovers or spouse. ema attended aside but don't prevent my preach, but left earlier. i know its hard for human not to mess up when 2 same sex persons live closely attached, even like dad&son, for men lives to be the only and independent, but i trust God no problem not to blur his only Mightiest and most Sainted when i can do something aside baby son when he needs cares and attendance for his childhood. i trust God no problem that i can live with my baby as long as i need, and when the trinity asks.
its a bright afternoon now. yesterday the 2 gays facing&backing my desk conspired and operated behind me when i reading on my notebook, to hurt my neck. my neck since then painful till last night sleep heels. i again exhausted last night and even this morning i felt too sleepy to leave ema's house. i dozed till 10 pm to get up. the grandma came over and brought baby outside. baby these days more or less infected by evil spying eyes upon abnormal passionate or love, that resulted in my spending more time to heal baby's being stained and divined him again.
its really a nice moment now. i just installed new games got in the morning on our legend pc for baby uses, and updated our google picasa web album with new shots i made recently. dog in China surveillance blocked quite some google's service, like youtube, picasaweb, but they only let domestic access to my picasaweb album problematically, but don't intimidate me not to try ways to update my account there. here is the proof.
Ok, my dearest girls, here i will retreat to silence again. my restless craving for u never cease or fade. hold me tighter, baby, not let time wash out our love. hold my love in real and walk toward our ever brighter grand gathering. we had a long time to live together, under one roof and in one family.
God bless us. took it sincerely.
cloudy sky over the city of Qiqihar.
cranes and trees in baby's mother's house's backyard.
emake, dream to fly 